My MacBook is truly and completely the real MVP. I’ve had this bad boy for seven years and it just keeps on chugging along.
But sometimes I have 37 tabs open on Chrome. And 4 InDesign files on my screen. And 12 email windows pulled up. And Spotify open blaring Kendrick Lamar or the Ting Tings. Then I hear the dreaded Fan of Death kick in, and the bottom of the laptop becomes so hot I feel my bare legs getting third degree burn. (Ya know, if I’m wearing my usual attire of Nike shorts and a giant t-shirt my dad used to wear while painting houses.)
When this happens, I know it’s time for a Restart.
And sometimes, I feel like my laptop. It feels like I have 100 programs open and I’m forgetting to save things and my fan kicks on and I’m spinning and spinning and spinning. And so sometimes, I have to hit the Restart button.
You guys know I love Charlotte. Like, for real. Queen C will always have my heart. And I loved having a way-too-tiny and over-priced studio apartment with the most magnificent skyline view ever. And I loved being close to my friends and walking distance to like SIX coffee shops. (Miss u, Central Coffee South End.)
You might also know, I like spending money. I like $5 coffees. I like Madewell jeans. I like going out for wine and carbs with friends. I like silk shirts (waiting for my BFF Sarah Headley’s response on this one because she tends to give me a hard time for my silk shirt choices.) And I liked my expensive apartment, emphasis on expensive.
I’ve been carrying credit card debt since college. Since sweet, innocent, debt-free Tori realized that with credit cards, she could buy stuff…and pay for it later. Oh poor, sweet, stupid Tori. Despite all of her mother and father’s financial advice, she fell for it. Like many others, I also carry student loans and a car loan. It’s grown to be a lot. And only got worse when I worked my first few jobs out of college.
So you can imagine my excitement when, last May, I took a job with a big company making a pretty dang great salary and thought, “finally, I can pay off that debt!” Oh poor, sweet, stupid Tori.
I immediately got the aforementioned way-too-tiny and over-priced apartment. I bought more $5 coffees, more Madewell jeans, more wine and carbs with friends, more silk shirts. Each month I’d say, “hey, I’ll do better this month.” But then I’d make the mistake of ‘running to Nordstrom just for a couple of skincare bits and not even look at the shoes…well maybe just for a second…’ I’m sure you can infer how that ended.
I also have this ‘dream’ inside of me of moving to a bigger (and inevitably more expensive) city within the next year or so. Definitely not pulling THAT off while carrying around this awful, heavy debt. All of this kept snowballing and the debt mountain remaining tall and eventually it hit me: I needed to hit Restart.
My apartment lease was up in June of this year and in March, I made the decision to move home. Yes, move in back with my parents. I know, I know: “way to be a token millennial, Tori.” But damned if it wasn’t the best decision I’ve made in a long time. The thought of it made me sad, scared, and I definitely went through some bouts of feel like a failure. But what I ultimately felt when I thought about the decision was relief. I felt relieved. Like I’d be able to say, “ahhh, it’s all going to be okay,” for the first time in a long time.
No, it’s not going to be forever. I’m getting that AWFUL crap paid off, and I’m setting my sights on a new adventure. My parents are the raddest, I work from home so no daily commute back to CLT, and Charles Barkley has the cutest roommate ever, my parents’ Whippet mix Daisy.
The really cool thing? It’s been less than three months, and my perspective and attitude have already shifted. I’ve seen progress with my debt, I feel like I’m in a ‘safe space,’ and my brain is finally like, “hey, we don’t have to stress all the time about money now. Let’s do fun stuff and be creative again.” (In case you haven’t noticed by my attempt to start blogging again.)
I miss the city that will always be my favorite. But like, I’m an hour away. So it’s not even a thing. I miss walking for coffee, but now I drive to downtown Winston (like I did today) to get cozy at some wonderful places. And my mom sings and talks to herself a lot, but so do I – so I just sing louder. 🙂
Sometimes hitting Restart just feels right, ya know? Feels good to take a deep breath and just…know it’s all gonna be okay.
(PS, don’t tell by beloved ride or die MacBook, but I think it’ll be time for a new one very, very soon. You know, when I get more debt paid off.)
😉
Curiously,
Tori
